


Happy Monday

by SyntheticRevenge



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Realities, Alternate Universe, F/M, Grumpy Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, I have no idea! How to tag! Anything!, M/M, POV Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), The Magnus Archives (Podcast) as a Workplace Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29827368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyntheticRevenge/pseuds/SyntheticRevenge
Summary: The Magnus Institute do classified research on dimensional portals that manifest in their facility as Doors--that is, until the Doors start spreading into the general public. Obviously containment is a priority, but so is making sure that no data is lost, so a new department has to be established to gather as much information from these rogue Doors as possible. Jonathan Sims is unqualified to head this department, sure, but in his defense, he's also unqualified for the job he's being transferred from.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Happy Monday

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU I've wanted to write for a while--I really intended it to be quite serious and artsy, genuinely, but then I started writing it and it all went very...supernatural workplace comedy. The dangers of Tim and Sasha. Anyway, hope you enjoy <3

23/3/16

To: All Staff

Happy Monday,

First off, I would like to commend you all on the efficacy with which all of you--but particularly Artifact Storage--handled the Door #666 debacle last week. That was an intense, difficult situation, and the quickness with which you reacted was admirable. Thank you.

More importantly, however, there is an elephant here in the Institute with us. I’m sure it’s come to your attention over the last week that the Institute has stopped being able to contain the Doors. Maybe you’ve heard from social media, or from the news--indisputably, the Doors  _ are _ spreading. How and why is a question we will of course be looking into, and I will be meeting with the relevant departments to confer on a strategy. Containment seems, at this early stage, impossible, and we will have to work on a declassified brief for the general public--what to do if they encounter a Door and so on.

Just as importantly, without the infrastructure of the Institute and our regimented procedure for exploration of the Doors, we will have an absurd amount of data going to waste. There isn’t much of a way to fix this, but in an attempt to dam the flow and collect as many experiences as we can, I’m establishing a new department--the Archives. Their job will be to gather experiences from those unfortunates who encounter these rogue Doors in the wild and volunteer their stories to us. 

I’m transplanting some of the Research and Library staff to this new department--it will be headed by Jonathan Sims as Head Archivist. 

More information on all of this to follow at our all-staff meeting tomorrow.

Best,

Elias Bouchard  
Head of the Magnus Institute

**

“So he can just reshuffle us without asking?” Tim asks, pressing himself into the elevator next to Sasha. “That feels like _ some _ kind of a violation.”

“I mean, this is sort of a national crisis, and I don’t think your anthropology skills were really making a  _ huge _ difference in Research,” Sasha says, shrugging. “Now,  _ I’m _ a loss, but I was also bored, so. Eh.”

“Hey, look, not my fucking fault the Doors all lead to uncivilized hellscapes,” Tim says. “I would anthropology the  _ shit _ out of any culture and you know it.”

“Why  _ Jon _ , though?” Sasha asks, as the elevator descends, shakily. “Not to be like ‘he’s unqualified’, but, uh.”

“He’s no less qualified for this than he was for Research, to be fair,” Tim says. “Though I’ll grant you that it smells overwhelmingly of patriarchal bias.”

“So does Bouchard, to be fair,” Sasha says. “I think he managed to condense it into a cologne. Eau de Chauvinist.”

“Misogyny: For Men.”

“Maleboss No. 5.”

“A little bit of gender discrimination in my life?” Tim half-sings, half-asks, squinting.

“I was going for the Chanel No. 5 joke, but it was tenuous,” Sasha says. “Don’t stop your sexist Lou Bega on my account.”

“Eh, I lost the bit. My bad,” Tim says, as the doors slide open to the basement. 

“You have a lot of bad.”

“Ouch.” Tim follows Sasha out. She strides into the dimly lit basement like she was meant to be there and there is absolutely nothing strange about the situation. Tim tries to share her confidence, but he always gets a bit anxious in old, dank, unfamiliar places like this. Trauma, he figures. Or he would, if he were willing to analyze it, which he’s not, particularly.

“Jon?” Sasha calls. No response. Tim catches up to her and scoffs, pointing at the small cluster of desks and the rows of metal shelves, cluttered with loose file folders.

“Is this where all our hard work ends up?” he asks. 

“Our briefs have always been a joke, Timothy, you know that,” Sasha says.

“Then why did we do them?” 

“Are we really going to have this conversation again?” She squints up at him, looking faintly bored and annoyed.

“We...had this conversation before?” Tim asks, squinting back in confusion.

“Yes. You were very drunk and whining about how our job is stupid and pointless.” She crosses her arms. “You’re certainly just going to be more insufferable about it sober, so let’s not.”

“Fair enough,” Tim says, shrugging blankly. “Consider it forgotten. Doesn’t matter, anyway.”

The elevator doors ding open again behind them, revealing a fat, nervous-looking man who Tim’s only ever seen at all-staff meetings. He hugs himself, playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. 

“Hi,” Sasha says, brightly, waving at him. He walks over to them.

“Uh, hi,” he says, half-smiling. “Are--are either of you Jon?”

“She is,” Tim says, pointing at Sasha and laughing. 

“Oh,” the man says, eyes widening slightly. “I’m Martin--uh, I’m from the Library? I--”

“I’m not Jon,” Sasha says, shaking her head. “Sorry. Tim’s being a cunt.”

“How dare you!” Tim says, pressing a scandalized hand to his chest.

“Hi Martin, I’m Sasha,” Sasha says, sticking her hand out. Martin shakes it, looking deeply mortified, which makes Tim feel a twinge of guilt.

“Sorry,” he says. “Just feeling a bit spicy this morning. Something about the potentially reality-ending news, I think.”

“Right,” Martin says, laughing nervously.

“I’m Tim,” Tim says, smiling again. “Feel free to call me Timothy if I’m getting on your nerves. It’s Pavlovian. Sasha exploits it endlessly.”

“Nice to meet you, Tim.” Martin gives him a small wave, and Tim makes an effort to smile even brighter, which seems to put him slightly at ease. “So, is uh, J-Jon...is he not here yet, then?”

“He doesn’t appear to be, no,” Tim says. 

“You two know him?” 

“Yes,” Sasha says, nodding vigorously at the same time Tim says “Oh, yeah.”

“Worked with him for two years,” Tim says. 

“Oh, wow,” Martin says, something disappointed fogging his eyes. “So you’re all close, then?”

“There’s always room,” Tim says. “We don’t bite. Well--we only bite if you’re into that.”

The elevator dings yet again, the doors squeaking open to reveal Jon, looking exhausted, hair pulled tightly back, shirt missing a button. He smells distinctly of smoke, and Tim tries not to audibly groan in disappointment remembering the hassle him quitting was last time.

He sees Sasha first, and nearly smiles, but his eyes scan across and find Martin. He cocks his head. “Who are you?”

“Martin,” Martin says, shoulders hunching defensively out of instinct, but there’s something strange in his eyes that Tim can’t quite pin down. “I was transferred here from the library. By Bouchard.”

Jon stares at him for a moment, their eyes meeting. “Hmm. Fine. Morning, Sasha. Tim.”

“Morning, boss,” Tim says, with a little bit of extra cheer on the  _ boss _ for bitchy emphasis.

“So, what are we doing, fearless leader?” Sasha asks, crossing her arms.

Jon nods blankly for a moment, then blinks and snaps into an answer. “Yes, so, Bouchard’s already collected basic statements from, uh, from the first several...v-victims? What would you call them?”

“Victims,” Tim says, possibly too quickly and too emphatically, based on the odd look Jon gives him. 

He shakes it off. “We need to create some sort of--some standardized form, based on previous field reports. Questions that need to be answered by our statement-givers. Once we have that, we’ll need to follow up with the people who’ve given these statements and make sure we have enough to--to fill it out.”

“Alright,” Tim says, sighing. “Sounds riveting.”

“I’m sorry that attempting to maintain order to a straining reality doesn’t interest you, Tim,” Jon says, and if it were literally a week ago, there would be a teasing edge to his tone, but as it stands, there’s nothing but resolve. 

It’s almost impressive. It’s just also a bit dickish.

“I forgive you,” Tim says, as if he’s not just the tiniest bit inspired. Jon rolls his eyes and stalks off to one of the desks, leaving the three of them standing there. 

“Right,” Sasha says, pulling her hair back. “Martin, you were in the Library, you’ve read plenty of field reports, right?”

“Yes,” Martin says, startling and nodding emphatically. “Christ,  _ too _ many.”

“Great. You and Tim work on standardizing statement formatting, I’ll start doing follow-up research on the first victims,” she says, and it’s not a question. 

“Okay,” Martin says, glancing a bit nervously at Tim, who shrugs back at him.

“Let’s get at it, then,” he says, smiling. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! All feedback is greatly appreciated <3  
> Find me on tumblr @witnesstotheend


End file.
